WANT TO QUIT AND YELL AT MY BOSS

We are so over our dreadful boss, who has become such a huge negative part in our life that we just want to stand up and scream in his or her face. To just gather our personal belongings at our workplace and tell our supervisor “I QUIT!”, walk out and never ever look over our shoulder – is unfortunately a not too uncommon dream. 

Most of us can unfortunately understand each other when we express these feeling but there are some things to keep in mind. To not react on emotions in such a situation, is one of them. Together, let’s go through what to not do, even if we want, and how we can handle this quitting situation in a better way to achieve a better result. 

Now – grab a cup of hot tea or coffee, or a cold orange juice! 😉

We Will Never See the Person Again 

Yes we will. 

Those three words may seem unbelievable right here right now at this very moment, but life changes and evolves during a larger span of time. Eventually, chances may be not this low to encounter as they are right now. It seems truly unlikable to happen, even unreal to happen, but things change all the time and that one day would not be too funny to enter with the background of a disastrous ending.  

First time a supervisor came back in my life

First time I noticed this was in school. I had a teacher that some kids would be mean to, getting them a reputation and them laughing when semester was over and a change of teachers the following year would occur. Now I am not praising myself or anything, simply telling my point of view – but I was a rather “tidy” kid, sometimes even overly ambitious to almost run out of time at the essays because I wrote “too much” and even barely got around with an A-, deeply concerned of that minus. Where I remember several times 5-7 years later in my school years, even after switching schools and such – the teachers WOULD return. They too switched workplaces, schools and I was rather baffled that I sort of “slid” on my good reputation I had back then by not having to deliver as much. While the ones who had been hard on the teachers back those days truly struggled to achieve anything in the future years. Now this happened not only once, but actually quite a few times – I realized that the words “What comes around goes around,” can be a saying worth remembering.

Supervisors return in our careers, whether we like it or not

These are examples from schooldays, however they are true in our working lives as well. I have noticed it many times and heard stories from older ones, how a person would quit and maybe later return with a huge personal progress that makes them end up as a CEO or another managing position, making the ones who were at the workplace back in the days to wish for having received quite a good impression at the person. 

Of course anything CAN change, also a person and them being a bit more “fair” as to the fact that as much as they probably have changed, so has the other person. In general, I think always doing our best, being humble and nice, always lead to the best result. No back stabbing etc. It truly, truly will backfire someday. It is better to be nice. Really. 

Another note I like to add, is of how people in general return in our lives. It can be a co-worker or a classmate. I go for the advice of leaving people happy, even in situations where oneself can be the one in (some sort of) powerful position. One day ahead tables can be turned and then suddenly this person who used to work “on the floor” might run the grandest company we want to work for. I just always, give the advice of being humble and nice. It does pay off.

But My Boss is an Ass and I am Switching Business Anyhow

It still does not matter as the boss can switch career too. Another thing to keep in mind is that they may know a person in the career path that we need. By delivering a bad word of us to this key person to land our dream position can honestly destroy a lot. There are tons of opportunities out there, but like a pyramid, the higher we climb the fewer people are at the top and it gets easier to bring around a reputation, a word and in general, we sometimes underestimate how small this world can be. 

Think of the positive outcome of leaving with a dazzling impression

And think of this instead. What if we instead left the most dazzling impression? Imagine how that could help us? By doing things right, and building up that platform, rock by rock, think of what a relief instead it could be – to re-encounter people from our past? Even if we may have liked our boss right now, things can actually change and make us more fond of this person in the future. And even if we still loathe this boss in our future, again, things will be tons easier if we are on terms and further better if they have a great impression of us. 

But I Need To Do This To Feel Good 

Of course as with everything we must consider what is worth what. Has this boss truly destroyed our life completely and is there actually something to win by with temper march out of our workplace? Consider pros and cons, and try to analyze possible consequences (both good and bad) in the future. This can lead to a clearer vision of what is fitting for the situation. 

One of the things we can do is to get responsible for our own actions and reactions to the person and his or her actions. A coworker once told us during lunch he tried keeping his sad/down son by expressing that perhaps this was not his phase in life. And that was a good encouraging saying, in my opinion. That as time will pass, so will this phase in life. The next one can be an amazing one – if we make sure it will be.

Gather Certificates During Worktime 

To be able to skip feeling nervous when getting a final recommendation letter or call from our boss, former boss – we can avoid this somewhat by asking for recommendation letters during our time at work. When we accomplish something at work it can be a great idea to note it down, get it in some sort of diploma or a clear statement in written form on LinkedIn, etc. Or in at PDF file. Specifically when manager and employee are on good terms and nobody is about to quit. Even if the process of quitting is well received, it can still be stressful as a new coworker must first of all get hired, and also taught into new systems, workplace and so on. Also keep in mind that if we are for example an awesome employee, it would be harder to replace us to the same level. 😉 

In regards, to plan out how a quitting process would be in the best of worlds, can actually be for our beneficial. The best is actually to leave the manager happy and with a feeling that he somewhat wins regardless. To be able to sell the quitting process is quite essential if we are keen on keeping our backs clean. 

Love, Emelena

DO’S AND DON’TS WHEN NEW AT WORK

We have all been there, new at work and all excited about it. First day, first week, first month and first year. Amazing. However, there truly are some do’s and don’ts when it comes to it. Many people, including myself, have learned from our own mistakes. To spare you some, let us together go through them and share together. 

Grab a hot cup of tea, coffee or a cold beverage! Here we go!

Remember to Not Fall in Traps

It can be rather typical for some to use a new person, whether it is to throw them their tasks at work or simply to make them do their job. I like to point out to friends to watch their tongue and actions before they know how the workplace works. Who is whom and what are people’s positions. It would be too typical for a coworker to let our guard down and have us join coworkers in a gossip, just for us to be liked, and then have this backfire at us because we get dragged into something we really did not intend to. It can be a grouping at work that we would like to avoid and so on, therefore I like to give the advice to observe in the beginning. This to be able to make the decisions ourselves and go for the direction we want. So on avoid having someone doing the decision for us. 

Do Not Trust the Nice One Just at Once

I like to point out too that the nice person we meet can actually in fact end up as another one. Many times I have trusted myself with a coworker to realize enlightening my heart and afterwards understood it was a huge mistake! I am definitely on my guard way more nowadays, and while it can sound a bit too skeptical and sad, it does bring me peace in the end of the day to know that there is at least nothing to backstab me for. 

Telling a story of my own experience

Another experience I want to share, which I experienced myself together with another new coworker (starting at the same day). Suddenly our manager began to speak badly of the owner of the company. Not too badly, but small hints that eventually caused the other new coworker to start joining my manager in these. Soon, we found out the manager had a secret affair with the owner of the company, and her talking badly of him was probably just a result of a morning where she possibly fought with her secret boyfriend. This also means that the rest of 90% of the time spent, the manager actually liked the owner. Now when the fight between manager and owner was over, instead their tables turned into being on terms, the coworker who had spoken badly of the owner would not appear in good colors. It was a fact and of course something the manager had in mind, probably even gossiped to the owner – even if she would be the one who brought the negative talk up in the first place. But in the end of the day, the owner would never punish his mistress but instead put the focus on how bad the coworker had spoken of him, which did put her in bad weather. 

Always think before taking action

That day I found out about this secret relationship between them, I thanked myself for never uttering a bad word of the owner, as I politely had pushed the subject aside and expressed that for me to comment the situation of the owner was useless as I did not know him but had gotten nothing but a good first impression. This also stuck to the manager, and perhaps why when she quit, I was actually offered the position. What I like to give as advice, is to observe and analyze before making a move. Whether that be at work and so on forming our career, or if it is while we play poker – it is always need to think before acting. Always. 

Listen but do not speak

A good word can be to keep our ears open but mouth closed. If someone at work has gossip, we may hear it out. It can cause us to learn what we can do right at the workplace and how we do things wrong. What do people, managers and clients like and what do they absolutely hate? This will help us making “right” choices that hopefully will be in our favor. However we must never spread or share any sort of gossip, never really speculate in someone else’s business. Instead, again, we observe and learn of this new information and has it in the back of our minds. 

Never Speak Badly of Our Previous Work

This is a big no-no during an interview and also when being at a new place. Like with gossip, coworkers may think we will speak badly of them too when we move on to a new company. Often when I meet people and they start off by speaking badly of others, in general beaming negativity, I get this red flag and wonder if this is a pleasant person to have around. If they are gossiping this easily of others, why not me who they barely are any attached to? 

We associate the bad word to the person who uttered it

A thing I learned from a seminar, was actually that when we hear someone speak badly of something, we associate this person with a negative feeling. Even if the sensation shall be put over to the action or person in turn the one spoke of, we do actually associate the bad feeling with the one who gossiped, and indirectly think of this person the way it spoke of another one. Think of that. Truly a thing to keep in mind before uttering something bad of another one, as in my opinion, we never truly have a reason to do if we decide to refocus on positive things and what truly matters. 

Avoid Sharing Personal Information

At least in the beginning. There is a saying of being personal but never private, and that is something to go for. Also a very skeptical side, but not too unsupported opinion unfortunately anyways – that avoiding giving away too much of our private side is better than giving a coworker opportunity to use it against us. It happens all the time and we never really know when a coworker has to make a decision and our private side we have shared goes out to block our way. It can be as simple as we tell our coworker that we cooked all day yesterday for a birthday party, and they will use this against us. For example to have a lot of energy to be able to work harder, that we help out during a crisis in the office-restaurant. Or that they wonder why we did not finish something particular in time and bring up that the reason must be for us cooking for such a long time and so on.

There can be hundreds of reasons and we may even be taken by surprise by the coworker we thought we could trust. Many times people fall in the trap of trusting someone and while I believe many people are wonderful to work with, nice and lovely to be around, when it come to work most think of themselves first and therefore trusting others to the point of risking getting backstapped is just plain stupid. Unfortunately. Basically this has nothing to do with people being bad people. But in general that we do not know what problems may linger below surface, and when it comes to a critical point (which we may not see as critical ourselves) we may lose to other option. As simple as that.

Learn to ask questions

However showing a personal side, meaning more like sharing glimpses of our life can be nice to be able to bond easier with others. Here we should be cautious too. Never share too much. I like to go with more “too little” than too much. Sharing less is better, but still enough to make people get a (good) opinion of us. And when they keep questioning us, fishing for more about us, we need to learn to answer without giving away too much and perhaps instead learn to ask questions back. Many people just LOVE to talk about themselves, and to have a person like us, another advice from me can actually be to learn how to ask people questions and have them talk of themselves. Be a good listener, simple as that. And for that matter, going for a better example and never use their private confessions or so on against them. Just a genuine advice from me! 

Doing Everything Ourselves

In the beginning we are new to systems and routines at work. Even if they are similar to our old job. This means that when nice coworkers offer to help us out, it is a wonderful way to bond to each other by letting them help us. Also observe how they perhaps take grand credit for this in front of the manager or let us receive praise, again – observing and taking note of who we have and where we have them. It is a magnificent way to get to know the people and their personalities at work. To what grade can we trust someone and what can we expect from this person? 

Listening is the best trait we can have, both in the beginning at a workplace, but also during our time there. Using our ears and mind rather than our mouth is a go-go! 🙂 

Love, Emelena

QUESTIONS WE NEED TO ASK OURSELVES

Good morning! 

There are some questions we just need to ask ourselves in between! Whether it is because we feel lost, or are our happy selves. There is always room for improvement and looking over our situation. Let’s check them out together. 

If We Knew it to 100% Would Lead to Success, What Would We Take on And Do Right Now? 

Would we start a business? Write that book? Ask our friend out for a date? Try to pursue a specific goal? Quit our jobs and sail across the world? Only our own imagination limits us and it is true, following Jordan Belford’s quote “The only thing between ourselves and our goal is the bullshit story we keep telling ourselves as to why we cannot achieve it.”. In a way I love that quote. It brings us in charge of our own destinies and to either do something about it or decide not to. But in the end it makes us responsible for either way and leaves no room to blame anything but ourselves. 

Many times, this has caused me to stand up from browsing Netflix on the couch and instead go for my goals. Like a bit of obvious realization hits me in the face like a ton of bricks. Do you agree? 

So, back to the question: What would we do if we knew we could not fail? What would we go for? If we think like this, life becomes clearer and we can see what we truly desire but lets our fear prevent. If we get to be aware that it is this fear of failure that stops us and nothing else, we may dare to try. When we are like a hundred years old, would we not wish we tried – right here and right now? 

If we would never ever have to worry about money ever in our lives, what would we do right now? 

Also another question that brings us to find our true and inner passion. What do we love to do? Truly love to do? What would we truly love to accomplish in life? 

Often people focus on money. Anything we do and any decision made can often be a consequence of a money-focused mind. How we grow and so on. Which not may be wrong, of course, as our world of today is dependent of money – but by asking ourselves what we would do if we never had to think of money, and still live the life we would like – how would we spend this time? 

Working with our hobbies?

We think of hobbies and other passions, and in a way, those who cannot answer that they would continue at the work they are at right now, should actually in my opinion quit and work with their hobbies instead. I believe that if everyone worked with what they are best at, and love doing more than anything, humanity would achieve such a huge progress and achievement itself. 

Some love doctoring, some love painting, some love building and some just love to be in the spotlight. There are as many professions as there are hobbies, and yet we tend to make only money-based decision, go for “second best” and spend the little time we may have left on what we truly love to do. The best would obviously be to always do things we love. 

If this was our last moment in life, would we be pleased with that? 

Would we feel like we got the best out of life? Do we feel like we have accomplished everything we wanted? That we tried everything we wished to try and went for everything we wanted? 

If not, we get a clear view of things that truly matters in us. Whenever I tend to ask this question to myself, I realize I inwardly in fact have different dreams than I tend to think of on a daily basis. When it comes down to it, I definitely want more “loving” things in life, rather than materialistic items, like I set up as a monthly goal if not. 

Be pleased that very last day

It is a chance we may not exactly regret not buying a Chanel when it comes down to it, while we may instead in fact rather regret not telling a loved one we love them, or showing it. Things like that. And it also brings us to a realization that we actually, hopefully, do have a chance to change this until we reach this day. What are the things we would think if we were at that moment right now? And what can we do now to change that outcome? What can we do to actually feel pleased that day? To be happy with our decisions and actions, with no true regrets. 

If we fast forward 20 years ahead of us, is that a place we want to be at? 

This is such a great question. If we look on our path right now, where is it leading us? I know every path, any step ahead on it, is made by us uniquely. Every path is unique but we tend to have a bit of a routine among us regardless. And if we would fast forward twenty years in our direction, is it a place we would like to be at? More so, is it a place we would LOVE to be at? Is it THE place we want to be at? 

This question can be asked when it comes to relationships, career, personal development. With the understanding that time does pass, perhaps slowly at points, and fast other times – it will regardless pass. By small steps forward, we do head in a direction and will eventually pass destinations on our way. What are those destinations and are those destinations we want to pass? Is there another interesting path we want to promenade along? Are there more interesting destinations there? Does the journey seem more interesting there? Would we love to try it? 

Then it is time to look over our situation and see how we can change to leave our path for another one. Or combine them. Who knows? 

Only we know which path is true to us and only we can change that path. 

Love, Emelena

WHAT DOES THE CONCEPT “9 TO 5” REALLY MEAN?

The price tag is your hours converted into another sort of number

Let’s say we pass something we really like, and it has quite the price tag. We may have the money right away, an amount we have saved up for a while, or we may not and decide to save for this dreamy goal thing. Regardless of what, chances are very high we will have to trade our time to get this thing. 
Together, let’s go through this “philosophy” of trading our time to get paid and ideas of how we can get change this sort of lifestyle. Lately, since I got my eyes up for this, I changed my goals and vision for life itself. Maybe it will for you too. Now, grab something to drink, whether it is a hot cup of tea/coffee in the chilly morning, or a cold freshly pressed orange juice during the hot noon. 

What does this mean?

Is there another way? Basically we discuss the whole scenario of 9-5, which is an overly used term we find everywhere. “Trade 9-5 and become an entrepreneur instead,” and so on. We find similar sentences in papers, on social media and in discussions. What this sort of expression often refers to, is us trading our precious time into a salary, a monthly wage or an hourly one. Anyhow we tend to be able to get an average of what our hourly salary is. 

Different kinds of work


I remember when I worked within sales, and 100% on provision. Among the coworkers many expressed their gratitude of getting paid by their effort rather than a closed amount per hour spent doing just “anything”. While I had not much experience in general of work at the time, I never came to really appreciate this sort of work at their level. Instead I also looked forward into this sort of job with “safety”, which getting paid by hours can be in some eyes. Mine too, at the time. 

Difference


One difference is obvious. To reach a decent monthly salary, one may have to trade 150 hours a month to achieve this – while the provision-based employee may spent nearly half yet achieve the same, only half of it! (or double the amount). I dare to point out it is just like any other investment. The greater the risk, the higher the greater the reward (can be). 
While attending a workplace where effort is valued in salary, I could push extra energy within a shorter span of time and truly get magnificent reward. At first I loved the idea at my new workplace, where I could count approximately about how much I would earn at the end of the month. I had so and so many hours, about a few more or less and all I had to do was what said in the description. Basically just spend my time at a particular place in order to get the reward – money. Soon though I noticed that it would barely matter how much effort I did put in, or how little, as I would gain about the same anyhow. Even if I did grow to a greater position and received bonuses, this is such a “small” amount compared to getting paid by 100% of our efforts, that I began to wonder if it is worth getting exhausted at a work, giving everything I have while there truly is a roof of what I can achieve money-wise. 

To have a roof


Again, one thing of never having a roof often means never having a bottom either. No roof to stop us but no ground to catch us. The greater the risk the greater the reward. But by being at a 9-5 job, paid hourly, it often means a roof and a ground pretty much close to each other. Even in cases of great bonuses. There is this sort of span of money and time that sort of goes for everyone. No matter the kind of employment or type of job. Most people in regards of what I have noticed, spent about 150 hours a month at work, and get paid between 20-300 dollars/euro per hour. Those with 300 are often the ones who has worked for many, many, many years and made great sacrifices. 
I will share later down in this post how my thoughts go and why I told my boyfriend that I probably was not too invested into advancing “too much” at any company even though I of course aim to earn a lot of money in the future (like many others). 

How to make my hours more valuable? 

Alright. A fact. We all have the same amount of time during a day. No one has more time than another one. To think otherwise I would personally love an article about someone who managed to create 25 hours per day and how I can too. 😉 What differs between us is how we spend these and what we prioritize. So, if we for example earn 20 dollars per hour, and work for an average 8, that would be approximately 160 dollar a day. If we wish to earn more money, most people immediately look for an extra job where we can trade further hours into a result of more money. Trading two more hours a day means 16 more dollars a day and probably about 70 more dollars a month. 

What if we want to earn our yearly salary during ONE month?


But, what if we want to earn… let’s say 20.000 dollars a month? (Yes, this IS a high salary for today’s money’s worth), but let’s speak theoretically. So, 20.000 dollars a month with an hourly income of 20 dollars is not even possible. Because guess what – we do not have 10 000 hours a month. Nobody has at this place called Earth (let’s not get into time-mathematical theories in space and etc.). Which means that the ONLY way to achieve 20 000 dollars a month if we firmly stick to the want of getting paid by hours, we must increase our hourly wage. We must get valued more. WE must value our time more. 
Instead of an hourly salary of 20 dollars, for 150 hours we roughly speak of 134 dollars per hour. We need to ask ourselves questions of what we can do to increase ourselves to this level? 


Also, keep in mind that we put a prize on our time all the time. Let me go through this with you all. 

What is “putting a price on our time?” What does this mean?

Looking at chores like this/Worth my time like this? If we get paid 20 dollars per hour and need to remodel our bathroom. To do so we need to take time off our job and stay at home for two weeks. Calculate this to instead hiring a person for 10 dollars per hour, and can finish this within a week? Or if the person charges 40 dollars per hour, etc? Also comparing to what such a job will do to our health? 

Compare and calculate


This is a section where I believe many people must improve when it comes to comparing. We must ask ourselves questions like, “Is it worth it?”. Even if there may be a good prize on having a driver, for example. It can totally be worth it if we learn to spend those 30 minutes freelancing a copywriting project that makes us earn 700 dollars. We pay the cab driver 200 dollars but gain (less than) 500 – taxes and so on. I think everything is like a weight-in, checking which one is more profitable. But in the end of the day, we do put a prize on our time. 

This provoked me


I once saw a youtube video of a person almost provoking me with how he expressed himself – saying that to increase our own hourly value we must stop doing the jobs that does not match up to the hourly wage we aim for and so on, to outsource them. I thought it sounded stupid and that it must be much better to do it all by myself than giving away money like that. 
However now I realize it was never, and never will be, money that I gave away. I gave away my time. 
Again. Let’s together go through how this can be. How we are giving away time rather than money. 

How are we giving away time?


Vacation, other expensive things – means 10 hours at work to be able to work? So, an example. We pass a window and see these beautiful shoes, real estate or whatever item/experience we wish for together with a price tag. How many hours must we work to achieve that?  
“But I have ten grand extra in my account,” – But how many hours would we have to spend at work to regain those ten grand? 
“But I won them at the lottery,” – Again, how many hours would we have to spend at work to regain those ten grand? 
“But Mom gave those to me,” – Worse! How many hours does our dear Mom have to work to regain those ten grand? Or how much DID she work to get those? 

Be cautious of the time


When it comes down to it, I nowadays even find it difficult to accept a shirt by a loved one. I can see an hour spent in their life, or a day. And I would rather have them keep that money and be able to spend that hour, or day, with me – than to have it in a materialistic form – a shirt. Do you now get it? 
It is true that we need basic things. But when it comes to it, it is a constant trading we do. And we need to be cautious for what we trade for. At least being aware of what we do when we buy something, or get something by someone else. What is true to ask for, and ask of ourselves? 
When I receive money – I take their time, and form it into a shirt. I don’t “get” the shirt. I get their time in a materialistic creature that I wear. 

How do I get paid by value instead? 


There are of course different ways. The best is to invest in ourselves and read different investing books/go to seminars, educate ourselves in how we can expand or charge a higher and higher amount for our greatest attributes. 
When I saw the question of looking at the path I am at right now, quickly skip 20 years and see further ahead on this path where I would be then – this caused me to look at life a bit differently. I saw more trading hours, more work and obviously a higher salary. Yet, for the time I have here in life, how much or little that may be, I did not find it worth it to trade such a high effort and energy into “only” achieving that. Even the highest CEO does not really in my opinion earn the best according to what must be sacrificed for that level. So this lead me to think that I better watch every moment of my life and make sure that it is valuable. Because time is not something we get back – at least with the technology we do have by today. 

Love, Emelena

How To Stop Comparing To Others?

Good morning Sunday. 

Let’s together dive into the topic of today: How to stop comparing. I think it is very appropriate to think of right now, specifically when social media is everywhere and we seem to have some difficulties in general, to turn this off. 

I will have quite a busy spring as far as I can see. I listed things I need to do before fully developing this website, so I wanted to set a little bit of notice here. I will return in late June with more articles and continue writing posts about personal development, how to become a better person and how we can grow. It is a topic I have fallen in love with and I wish to continue this road. So, after this post – we will see more of each other in late June! 

Here comes however a moment where we can sit down and learn more of how to avoid comparing ourselves to other!  

How To Stop Comparing To Others? 

  • Realize that we are the ones responsible for ourselves. Another one’s success or failure does not affect us. 

I Get Perfection Spammed in My Face All the Time 

Yes, there is a lot of discussions about how we now today do not just simply compare ourselves to the hoard of people in our little fairy tale village. No, we get a “glimpse” of a “perfect” life across the world. Which means that if we had one so-called competitor in our village, we are nowadays competing against a hoard all over the world. There are some serious scientific articles about how this biologically works us within, and most debate with the fact that we are put in a more stressful mode. The importance is to learn how to head our focus to the right things, also known as to what brings us a positive day. 

Let’s together share a few advice on how we can change our focus from comparing ourselves. Important to note is that trying to push down another life with negativity in some way of lifting ourselves up is a way of comparing too. And certainly not a healthy one. Example of this is to like – saying that the instagram perfect woman probably is miserable behind the scenes. Because even if that might be so (as we have learned) that is not the point at all. The point is to learn that she can be happy or not happy – and still shrug our arms as we focus on our own life instead.

  • Creating a new Instagram. 

If we are addicted to this, or Pinterest, Youtube etc. we may be both following other accounts but an algorithm causes us to get similar images in our flow. This can of course change after a bit of effort and time given, liking and simply searching for something else. But if we like to start fresh and clean, which is the one I recommend with the slightest chance of a percentage failure in our discipline – it would be that we create a new account. A secret one. An account where we only embrace positiveness. We choose the accounts we follow thoughtfully. We carefully pick the images or pictures we deliver, and we are simply more aware of what we do, always with positiveness in the back of our minds. This will lead to a little golden chamber for us, where we always can pick up a bit of energy and motivate us, truly inspire us from within. 

I did this. As they very often say “We are a combination of the five closest people around us.” Of course we must think of whom we have around us, hopefully one that brings us up. But, choosing the five people we have around us on internet or social media is equally important. So that would be our first thing. To choose the ones we surround ourselves with is crucial. 

We can think of that perfect image we find somewhere on social media. And it will stick with us in the back of our heads. But really, why? We can of course think of this person probably taking 1000 pictures and simply uploading the single one that appears perfect, after editing it several times and putting hours of work behind. The thing is – it truly does not matter. In the end of the day, we have our lives no matter what. We are who are and we can “only” achieve being the best version of ourselves. There really is to no use comparing ourselves to others, if not making the difference of…

I Cannot Have That!/How Can I Have That? 

Do we see the difference here? One is inspired and truly believes within, that he or she can achieve something, grow and learn. While the other one with a fixed mindset has more of a victimized position. Everything lies within the power of the mind. Choose the second one in the title. It is such a more beautiful way of viewing the world. The images we face on social media and if they happen to trigger an emotion in us; make it be one that urges us to motivation. A sensation of growing and becoming a better version of ourselves. 

How Can We Become the Best Version of Ourselves? 

The paragraph above is a great advice. In general, we need to see how we constantly grow. Children blossoming into grown-ups are not just the ones growing as person. We do throughout life itself. Which means that tomorrow can always bring a better person that we are today. Think of this saying, which I for that matter probably have mentioned before: “What can I do today to make tomorrow a little better?” 

When it comes to comparing to others, a lot is maybe set in our self-love. That we need to start loving ourselves, taking care of ourselves. It goes hand in hand. The responsibility of ourselves needs to lay in our hands and we must realize that we are responsible of our lives. No one else. Even if we perhaps like to put it that way. Which is not hard to understand why. It lightens up the pressure on our shoulders. However it is not the way to go if we wish to improve. 

So, we need to take action, visualize how we are in our ideal self and carefully take baby steps into that direction. It may be hard to notice at first, but it will build up and at the end of the day – we certainly have made it a bit further. Also, when we are this focused on ourselves, we barely have time to sit down and compare ourselves to others. In that case, chances may  be better of us finally viewing with a mind like “How can we do that?” instead of crossing our arms and thinking we are a lost case. It all lays in improving inwardly as a person. 

Truly, when we are heading towards the best version of ourselves, is there really anything that can top that? We cannot possibly be anything less or more than ourselves, and being the best version – well, that is all we can do? Right?

To sum up this post about how to stop comparing ourselves to others, we have learned some smaller things on how we can think when facing challenges, but also how we can direct our instant life by removing, unfollowing and decide who can be in our outer circle. Most importantly, what we have learned is that we need to focus on our ourselves first and beforehand. To grow and become the best version of ourselves. This will lead to a much happier life, a life without a negative comparison. A free life true to ourselves. We do deserve it.

Love, Emelena  – see you guys in June! 🙂

THE 4 SECRETS TO BECOME THE BEST EMPLOYEE

The 4 Secrets to Become the Best Employee

  • We do what we do best (we give everything) and become valuable. 

Is there a threat at work? There in an opening for a role and it seems as if someone else will nail it? Do we wish to be valued more? Do we wish to feel that we are the best employee at work? Do we wish to BE the best employee at work? Do we want to get a good recommendation letter for our next job? Do we want to be liked by others? Do we want to get more opportunities at work? Do we wonder how it feels to be the manager’s pet peeve? 

Basically among other “small” things, what we need to do is to be the best at what we do. 

That is the easy and quick answer. 

The longer one is to be valued. And how to become more valued. 

Now, Thursday and let’s grab a glass of lemon juice (yes, even I can break my rituals at points) and be somewhat eager as it gets sunnier outside for more hours for every day that passes. Today we have a topic of how to become better employees, and later on we can develop into the topic of growing in more value. 

How Do We Face Challenges at Work? 

We can face this challenge as seeing it as an obstacle, or a great way of improving ourselves. I just love the expression “Grow as a person,” as you may have noticed. A challenge will cause us to push a bit harder than we tend to do. We do have our comfort zones and are obviously the comfiest inside those circles, but to grow as a person – we must face challenges. 

Instead of being at unease at facing this new challenge, we need to prep our mind with positiveness. We can make a list on what a possible result can be. What will we learn, what personal attributes will be improved, what is (truly) the worst thing that can happen? Unless we risk death, is there really something to have a bad feeling about? And really, if we never challenge ourselves, we will never grow our comfort zone either. Because when we have passed that challenge, it will belong in our new expanded comfort zone. 

What If We are Drained on Energy? 

If we are drained on energy we need to pause for a moment. To analyze, reflect and think carefully of this cause. There is an expression I find important which goes; a tired soul can never get enough sleep. This means that if our soul is tired, we need to rethink our lifestyle and heading. Something in our life causes this stress. We need to consider our health big time if we reach this point, of getting burnt out. If we still realize that it is not the cause because of work, but because of different pillars in our life – we need to work on them. One by one. 

  • Exercise – to build strength and focus. 
  • Eat healthy – food that generates us energy and DOES NOT drain us. 
  • Sleep enough – between 7-8,5 hours, which is recommended and works for us. No less no more. 
  • Inner peace – find a moment each day where we appreciate things in our life, reflect and focus on only positive things. 

Things to look over is perhaps if we can cut down on some work chores we are given, see if we even are signed on doing those chores, create a daily schedule which works for us, note things down on a daily to do list to get things out of our heads, book a trip if possible, watch positive youtube videos to change our mindset, etc. It can also be worth to consider what kind of people we have around us, both at work and at home. If a negative person is around us for a longer time, we want to create a positive bubble with harder walls to not bring that negativity inside, will we not? 

If we find ourselves in such a relationship-position with our manager, it can be a good idea to speak with him or her about us needing another plan. Going to work shall never drain us on energy – but generate us energy. If we feel energized when leaving work, it means we have had such a good and happy time there. Stress really does not belong at work, even if (unfortunately) it seems as if many people associate work with stress. Even a hectic environment shall not be stressful, because a hectic environment should be a workplace perhaps for those extroverts loving to mingle and shine – who may get energized by talking to others and do tons of things at the same time. They would perhaps be drained on energy doing an introvert’s job, and vice versa.

What Do We Do If We Dislike Our Manager? 

We always need to respect each other and one does not have to like or dislike people all around. However if there is a reason we dislike our manager, we need to think if there is something we can change here. We should prioritize to have a talk with him or her, letting them know we wish for a change, for a different outcome. Maybe the manager does not have knowledge of what he or she does wrong. Letting them know can really be for a greater cause. I believe anyhow, that we need to let them know in a nice way. 

Of course, I want to warn – there is balance. 

If our intuition screams no to this, we need to play this one smoothly instead.

  • Do we love our job? Alright. Then we wish not to quit. Will the manager probably stay for long? In that case we may need to look around for a similar position in another company? Maybe we can even talk about the problem with our manager to him or her manager. 
  • We aim for another position at the company and put in a higher level for an amount of time in order to get that promotion. We just bite our tongue and do what needs to get done. 
  • We learn how to say no to our manager.
  • We decide to see a positive outcome even here. What can we learn by this challenge of being around a person we dislike? How can we learn to handle this person, and these negative feelings? I am sure we always can find a positive result out of every situation. Even this one. Let me share a few with you and try to read them with an open mind! 

Suggestions: 

  • We learn how to get a like from someone we naturally do not click with. 
  • We learn to confront in a nice way. 
  • We learn to “get our way” without coming off as an idiot. 
  • We learn that it is possible to be completely different and not clicking, yet being around each other to push the company forward. 
  • We learn from the mistakes the manager does and makes sure to not do it ourselves when we end up in his or her position. 

How Can We Pay Tribute/Give Value? 

Yes, the right mindset to have! What can we do to be valuable? What can we do to put value in someone else’s life, our company’s life or a client’s life? This means we will be important and as a result more valued. It can be tiny things like helping out with smaller stuff: bringing an extra cup of coffee, take a moment to just ask someone how he or she is doing, hold the door open, help someone to copy, deliver the mail face to face etc. Among the best things an employee can do to be valuable is also to drop by (whomever) and ask “Can I help with something?”. Often we get the response of a decline, and sometimes there will be an acceptance. However, in the end of the day it is an act of pure kindness and frequently very much appreciated by others. 

But to be a valuable employee is not only leveled by our kindness, our loyalty and ambitions. It is also very much by our attributes. Thereof a major reason why I preach the concept of working with something we love to do. To work within a field we feel a passion for. It enables us to be experts within the area and naturally a valuable piece for the company to have to maintain. Being more valuable at work also means that it is somewhat easier to require higher salaries, better benefits and a greater variety of choosing a workplace. The more valuable we get to become, the greater opportunities we may easier form. 

Well, this was a little piece this Thursday here. I think of writing a post about how to get more valued at work as well. It may be important information to have. Regardless, have an amazing day! See you next Thursday. 

Love, Emelena

5 WAYS TO CONSTANTLY IMPROVE

How to Constantly ImproveM

  • How can I grow as a person doing this? What do I wish tomorrow that I did today? 

That last question causes at least me to realize that performing ten minutes is way better than doing nothing at all. It makes me slightly excited to wrap up for the following day, leaving me with a feeling that I already started checking tomorrow’s to-dos. Even better is that when looking back and thinking that all effort I have done is basically nothing/just ten minutes – to figure out that those ten minutes add up to a whole task being finished. Start small and expand. Make it a habit! 

Reading 

There are literally books about everything. My favorite books are if not novels, those about personal development. I have read a few and love learning more. It is crazy how much we can grow as persons by reading books. Not only is it nice for the mind and brain to have this sort of activity, but it is both calming as it is exciting. Wrapping up a long day or starting the day with a book is an advice from me. In the morning it tends to make me excited to go out there and do something. While in the evening I get peaceful yet with a bit of yearning for tomorrow’s adventures. 

A little pocket book is not only light but very easy to bring along on every journey. Most of the time I do have one in my bag. Right now I read “Think and Grow Rich,”. I try to at least read a few pages every single day, even if I have very hectic days. (In a moving process with my partner). But in the end of the day, a book generates energy to me and that is something very helpful even in these hectic days. 

So what book to choose? 

First I think that we need to focus on what our goals are and see if we can find a book inspiring a pattern towards it. If not, I like the idea that a book just about something completely different may make us think outside the box and make us rethink. One thing I have noticed when digging into the world of books, is that there are so many about topics I never knew about. Therefore leading me to learn things I did not even know there was anything to learn about. Those things I have learned have also ended up being very useful to me. 

There is so much inspiration, motivation and positiveness to pick up from a good properly written book. 

Podcasts 

There are tons of podcasts. I started out listening to darker ones, about pretty negative stuff (paranormal things, pessimistic economics and such) during the long rides with my love. After a while we run out of these and instead tried out a cheerful one about health, mindset and positive thinking. Believe me when I saw this caused a major impact this had on the both of us. When I compare us to a year back, we are two totally different persons. Fortunately we have grown together, and are equally excited for things to happen. Now we majorly listen to these types of podcasts and audiobooks. Always about self improvement, health and career. How can we improve every single day? There are so many different ones and I cannot specify a favorite one. There are so many good ones.

Although, one I would like to try out is about meditation! It is something I need to do a bit more, I think. To learn this new habit will be a goal for me. A loop of twenty minutes should be proper to squeeze in the daily schedule. Following a podcast can perhaps push me even further to really follow up. 

So, when can we listen to podcasts? 

On the bus? When we walk? In the cab? When we drive the car? When cleaning our house? My personal favorite is when I am at the gym. It keeps me pumped with motivation and it is almost as if I can feel myself grow when I listen to an exciting podcast while hitting the gym. Therefore I like to recommend that idea. To push even further, I recommend doing this in the morning. Think of the rush of energy when finishing a post workout meal, where we have listened to an exciting podcast and are filled with energy from building muscles at the gym? I love that idea. And I am addicted to have that in my daily routine. The rush of happiness and energy in excitement to start off the day… I almost bounce to work.

Courses 

By this digitized world, we no longer need to be stuck on one place while learning. We are not dependent of a certain place or location. This thanks to all online courses there are today. Pretty much also about everything and anything. Of course we need to be more focused and have an eye of critique with the knowledge that pretty much anybody can make an online course today. On the other hand we can be happy and grateful that is the case. Because it also means more words and sayings reach out there. I mean, if we now have 1000 writers doing courses about the economy, we get so many more options and different opinions to make our own path rather than “just” taking the advice of ten writers. Our view broadens up a bit. The more we learn the better! 

A sidenote I really like though is the fact that it is true that knowledge is power. But ONLY when it is used! 

Worth to mention is also that we may meet people like us when attending a course. Online or face to face. Getting into a community will help us feel understood and it can be a relief to finally share our passion with people alike. A course hopefully leaves us way more inspired, motivated and with greater knowledge. 

It is worth it to try different ones and see what we like. The voice, the theme and the topic, the length and the pace. What do we wish to learn? Instead of listening to music when sitting on the bus, why not decide to listen to a podcast and learn something new? Think, 20 minutes every day is 1h and 40 minutes every week (times five saying we listen on our way to work). That is a lot of information we potentially could gain, is it not? 

Reflect – Mindset Moment 

The moment where I reflect during the day is in the morning. It is quiet, peaceful and nothing really happens. I have made a post about the benefits of waking up at 5 am and before. The so called 5 am club. This can also be a perfect moment for meditation. 

Some recommend having a conversation with ourselves. To get to know ourselves properly (how crazy this may sound). Asking questions like – “Am I happy? Do I love what I do every single day? Am I happy with whom I have around me? Do I like the food I am having? What can I do better in my life? Etc.” 

I like to think and reflect about my life. That is often how I come to decisions and get new ideas. 

A coach once gave me the instructions to each day write three things I am good at and three things I look forward to with tomorrow. This helped me get a great perspective of positiveness me within but also that even the hardest days deliver something positive. For now, I must say that the early mornings are my absolute favorite moments. When I wake up early and grab a cup of tea (yes, changed from coffee) I absolute adore that moment. Just our thoughts and reflecting over our life. A quiet moment is worth gold. Or in other words – a peaceful moment. This is also a great moment when we think of what we want to do, and take action. Not just being responding to others’ actions. 

During this moment we can learn to appreciate things as well. The smallest of things. These things can be (if correctly): having shelter, food on the table and good health. That we have our loved ones around. That we enjoy our job. That we manage to bring in money, that we have learned something new. That we are lucky. There is always something to be grateful for.

Get Feedback From Others Around Us

It is important to learn not to die just because someone criticize us. However I believe people should learn to speak constructively when giving their so called advice. When a person gives us their advice, it is also important to know that they are one human and there are other billions of people that may like our idea. If a person just says that something sucks, we need to dig deeper and find out why and how this thing sucks – if we like to improve/please this person. Or how it comes that this person believes this sucks. If we are several billion people on the planet, we have equally many visions of worldview.

There is a great balance between listening and not listening. Like – when a person says something bad, we need to know the moments when we must listen and act on it, and (when things are to be faced with the ear-to-ear. Even in those moments, I believe the healthiest thing is to first of all listen to our gut. What does it say? We need to be strong within and believe in ourselves first. Never ever letting critic letting us down but instead see what positive things we can take from that.

That was what I had to offer this Thursday. It is after all Valentine’s Day. I am packing my bag for the evening as my partner and I are switching off all electronics. We are going to a spa, refresh our minds and “pump our souls” as I like to express it. Tomorrow we are traveling abroad to my family and will probably head for a housewarming party Saturday night. With a bit of furniture shopping and squeezing in a moment at my grandpa’s grave I hope to enjoy every bit of this weekend.

Love, Emelena

WHO ELSE WANTS A LIFESTYLE RATHER THAN A JOB?

Happy Friday! Going against the trend of claiming one is not one’s job, we cannot deny how much time our day to day job preoccupies. For some less and for some more. However for the majority much energy and effort go to the job. Coming from Rome, strolling the streets and trying out the Italian culture, I thought about differences between how a day to day life could look like there. And how it looks like where I for the moment lives.

Siesta is for example not a part of the country’s schedule which it often is in southern Europe. While I like that idea, I cannot neglect the fun “rule” of having home office, every Friday. Even if I perhaps do not perform on this, it is very common here. Probably that little norm is not formed everywhere either. Of course, everything does not only go with what country we live in. But also what type of work and company we have chosen to work for. Or maybe we even have chosen an entrepreneur lifestyle? – “Choosing” our days as we like them to be.

A great thinking I like to remind people of, is that we choose every day. We choose to go to this job every day. We choose everything around us, who we have around us and what we occupy our time with. Drawing a harsh line perhaps, but I like this to be more motivating than discouraging. So, if we choose our job, which is a lifestyle, what shall we choose? And when do we know we have chosen correctly?

What Kind of Job Fits Me?

Before applying for jobs 2018 I decided to sit down an analyze my situation. Who am I and what do I want? I thought for a long time of what makes me happy. What kind of job fits me? So, let’s share this piece of mind together. 

Are we athletes, prefers being physical at work? Are we very keen on having a nice environment? Do we want to stroll to work, or take the bus? Do we want to be among nice coworkers or are we more for locking ourselves into an office room? Do we want to dress up for work, or do we prefer change into an overall inside the dressing room? Do we like typing on the computer all day or would we instead fancy spending time outside? 

What do we do in our spare time? What do we think of when our eyes are closed? What is fun for us? What do we picture ourselves doing? 

Eventually an image will form in our heads. If it is not clear enough, perhaps we need more thinking and analyzing. It is a lovely feeling to figure out what we want and wish for. I recommend a moment every day for a good reflection. A thoughtful moment.

How Do I Want to Spend My Days?

Going back to how a job is our lifestyle… when we choose a job we choose how we spend about (probably) eight hours Monday to Friday. The greatest question is how we like to spend them. Some may answer at home? Maybe because we have a certain hobby going on. Alright. How and what can we do to improve this hobby and make it a business? Do we want to become an entrepreneur? What do we need to do then? 

Do we want to spend our days with less pressure? Then perhaps we need to look for a position and company requiring less hectic days? Do we love mingling and talking, selling in concepts and going on business meetings? Then perhaps some kind of selling/negotiating position is for us. If we love spending time with animals and helping them out, there are jobs for that too. 

First of all before going out there and applying for jobs we may think we want, also known as what others’ want for us, we need to wrap our heads around this idea. A comment thrown from a parent, relative or close friend can make us rethink and believe we are looking for a specific type of job. Maybe because it works so well for this person. Here it is crucial to take a moment for ourselves and reflect deeply. We are all different after all and just because a sort of job works well for someone, it does not mean it is how WE want to spend our time. Right? 

Also a great thing to think about is the hours we choose. What time of the day do we want to work during? What benefits do we wish for? The more questions and the more answers we have, the better.

What Are My Strengths vs Weaknesses? 

Recon our strengths vs weaknesses is a thing I believe everyone should do. This helped me a lot. Firmly noting down what we are good at doing. Not only do we in many cases (but not all!) find out that things we are good at are also things we like doing. Let’s bring me as an example. 

I imagined myself as a mingling person. Laid back as I sit in my chair, pen spinning between my fingers as I lean on the backrest with my laptop on the desk, eyes going from the name of the company on the screen to examining the surroundings of a perfect and modern office. Kind of like a movie set from one of those Wall Street movies. I imagined myself as that successful businesswoman, pulling in six figures and dressing up like a queen. I am hyper as I close every single deal by phone and is the absolute best.

Did this happen? 

Not as I wanted it do. 

I knew from the beginning that my voice was not my strength. However, my eye for details are. I am way better off solving math problems, meeting people in real life and organize stuff – but behind a phone to pursue someone? Just no. Not for me. 

So when I instead chose to look for a social yet analytical role, I found success. (My definition). Doing what I do ‘best’ is according to me the definition of success, happiness and a fun life. 

How Does This Help Me for My Future Goals? 

Another thing we can look for is a path on our way for this dream job. When we see progress and growth at work, slowly moving ourselves towards this dream goal – we may feel a bit happier. A bit more excited and filled of life in general. Bring this together with things we are good at, hours we like to spend at work and a sensation of moving forward. What can be a more winning concept? 

Well, to sum up this matter I have now left Roma, Italia. For next time. What do we say? – Arrivederci! I do feel grateful, immensely thankful, for being able to have trips like that. Choosing my job in early 2018 with a cautious eye caused me to say no to many other offers. I was very firm on picking one I would be more than happy to spend time at. After all. Time is all we have, is it not? So, if I would spend a third of my life somewhere, it is definitely a part of my lifestyle. And this, should be chosen wisely with a loving heart. It is worth an extra thought. 

Have a nice weekend! We will hear more from me next week on Thursday. Until then I will be busy moving with my boyfriend. 

Love, Emelena 

6 REASONS TO CONSIDER HEALTH AS A WRITER

6 Reasons to Consider Health as a Writer

Good morning, folks! Last Thursday of January. I am in the middle of moving chaos as my boyfriend and I have a new apartment to move into. 

There are always a bit of fuzz about health, everywhere. The topic seems to be around in the background and after a while, I thought of it becoming today’s topic here on emelena.com. Health is a great part of our lives, whether we like it or not. By directing an extra thought to this matter, I believe we together can go through what benefits we can get from this. As writers, as business people or just people in general. This is a post for everyone. 

1.Exercising Takes Time

And generates. As much as it will be a busy hour or two in our calendar, that time will most likely generate energy. With a packed yet structured schedule, chances are also high that we do priority the little time we have for writing. As for example; if we have the whole day or week to write something, we may postpone it. This is of course a question of discipline, but I believe this way can assist us in developing our discipline. Because, when we suddenly know we only have that hour and that hour only, there is a high chance procrastinating lessens. Time for social media, checking the fridge for the hundredth time, etc, become less interesting as we know we must be productive to achieve something in this little margin of time. Therefore, I believe in effective work and tighter schedules. If we have an hour to write, are we going to lose it to doing crap or are we actually going to focus for ”only” an hour?

Then we need to mention that it is scientifically proven that exercising makes us more energized. That we get a boost afterwards. 

2. Morning or Evening Writers

Following last words, we can take a moment to analyze when we write best. How many hours beforehand must we exercise and have a hearty meal to achieve fullest focus and energy to write? This also makes it easier to know when to plan our workout. When is the best time to schedule the gym? When can we give 100% at the gym, to later give 100% to our writing? 

3. From Snacks and Late Nights to Early Mornings and the Gym

In my late teens and early 20s, I would prefer half laying down in the couch with a bowl of potato chips and my laptop on my stomach. Only a light in the corner of the room would be lit and so the street lamp outside. It was almost at the point of hearing the mailman delivering the daily newspaper before heading to bed. One day after a handful of youtube videos, books and information about personal development, I was firm to try to change this. 

Earlier nights and earlier mornings. As mentioned in a previous post, it changed my life. And I have heard it has changed many, many, many other people’s lives too. For example, I use those early moments in the morning to get some writing done. It is lovely. Lovely to feel that I have accomplished some writing already before the day has started. A bit of gym, breakfast, silence and coffee plus reading are a success for me. 

Some may always prefer writing late in the evenings, but if it is due a result of postponing – changing our whole schedule may be much to help. Therefore I really want to recommend this. And also, I dare to guess that we all do love to write – and what can we look more forward to than to wake up in the morning to get our hands on our writing project? 

4. Enough Sleep

Naturally, if we want to be able to bounce up from bed in the morning, it is a great idea to go to bed early. Rest our mind a bit. To boost our writing further, we can read a book in the evening. And even in the morning. Starting the morning with a bit of reading can start a creative process work in our mind, an urge to begin writing ourselves. I think it is a great idea to feed our mind with inspirational things in the morning. Not only does this pump on a positive setting, but it may make us a bit more productive with great new and fresh ideas. 

Side note: Once I was so tired I kind of lost my sight. I could barely see but my mind was so creative. It was 4.30 AM and my fingertips just moved. After a while I decided to go to sleep and get a full night’s sleep. When I woke up I was ready to properly finish my deal. 

5. Eat Food That Energizes Us

Food is not food. Food is different. If we really take a moment to stop tracks and analyze this statement, do we find a pattern between energy and food? What meals have caused us to falter in energy and what food has made us prepped to jump Mount Everest and back? This can take a lot of time and many people make a food journal to find a proper pattern, but I think it is worth it. That way we will know what choices to make in our daily life when it comes to choosing what to eat. We can easier choose what outcome we want. Specially efficient if we are heading straight into a business meeting or want to have a good hour of writing. 

Adding question: what food causes our energy to last? (I think vegetables? And other foods of course). Many kinds of groceries make us speeded on energy. BUT, not as many of them gives us a longterm energy. Rather a short term that dips just as quickly as we topped. Typically these are foods rich with fiber, low on sugar and in calories. And, lots of good vitamins for our body. 

6. Mindfullness 

I like to start the morning with a hot cup of coffee and just enjoy drinking it in peace. In silence. During that moment I reflect and imagine. I think of many things and now I dare to point out that it is probably the most important moment in my daily life. If I for some reason miss that moment, I am not happy about it. 

We can try yoga, other mindset programs through youtube or podcasts. There are many sources of information but many agree that we need a bit of a break in our daily life. The beauty of doing nothing. To wake up from our dream and really live in the moment. 

Also, during that moment, when we think and let ourselves be creative in our thinking – we exercise our brain. Inspiration may flow to our mind, concepts and ideas for stories. We ”get” (create) motivation for ourselves. 

Bonus: Focus

Most of all, I think all of these elements sum up a special word; focus. 

Being able to focus better is a momentum that needs exercise. We learn the more we try it. Different ways to achieve this state.  

Well, that is what we get from me right now. I am actually sitting in the darkness on the second floor of a bus. I always book the premium tickets to be able to sit a bit more comfortably. I travel very often nowadays and prioritize a bit of extra comfort. As much as I can afford, that is to say. 

Have a lovely weekend. I look forward to this week.

Love, Emelena 

A BOSS VS A LEADER

A Boss Vs a Leader

What does people really mean with this hanging question? Which one is the best, promising deserved title? Which one should we aim for and what are the characteristics as to let us define which one of those we are ourselves. Well, talking from both personal experience but also when talking among managers and other supervisors, this is what I came across. This is a post of differences and – let’s go for the leader role. It is definitely the win here. And let’s argument why.

It is quite simple to pin point if our boss, manager or supervisor is a boss or a leader. It usually takes barely a few seconds before I have discovered what kind of person I am handling and here we can be enlightened into a guidance of what we possibly are, or what managers we possible have. 

Hands down and I need to admit that my partner is an amazing branch manager. It does not seem as to how great amount of work and territory among employees he seems to become responsible for: he just nails it every single time. And greatly. One day years ago I asked about this phenomenon. How does this come? He would let me know that it may have to do with being a leader rather than a boss. That he does not only talk the talk, but he can also walk the walk. 

When we mention the word ”boss,” right away a mental picture of a person sitting behind its’ desk pops up in my mind. While when we talk of a ”leader,” immediately this picture transforms into a person engaging with the group. I suppose this is to shorten up what we are about to bring up here. Everybody gets to decide what kind of person we wants to be, but I think it is good to look over these statements. And again, I think I will always prefer a leader. Which kind do you prefer?

  • A boss drives people while a leader coaches them. 
  • A boss says ”I” while a leader says ”We”. 
  • A boss inspires fear while a leader inspires enthusiasm. 

When I was a Store Manager

Being the control freak I am, I found it hard eyeing in the corner of my eyes how an employee would let a costumer slip by bad sales technique. Very hard, actually. Many times I would join my employee’s side and help her out to close the sale. When she would hand me the box of shoes, silently thinking of me to steal the provision from her, I would hand them back and shake my head. Because, at least as to how I preferred to see myself; I wanted to be a leader rather than a boss. And I remember her genuine smile when she had her sale and got to write her own sales ID into the checkout register. 

Never ever did I sit there and command employees to do stuff. I tried to guide them, let us work as a team and me leading them into achieving the budget I had as a deal with the owners of the store. It was important for me that the employees knew that if something troubled them, we were in this together and that they always could lighten their heart to me regardless of what it was all about. That way, we could solve problems faster than if they would remain quiet about it. Also, they dared telling me if they did not agree to something. This could be a very good thing as if I happened to work with a fever, even they would save my butt from making a mistake. Now, of course a manager should be able to have the respect of an employee not thinking of her or him as a friend but an actual manager. I am not going to head against that direction. But I want to make a point out of the importance of being the leader in a team against passing the employees on my way to my office room with a latte, throwing a command over my shoulder while not really knowing of what this all is about.

Points

  • While a boss demands respect, a leader earns it. 
  • While a boss measures success on titles, a leader does it by the impact of people he or she influences. 

Another interesting phrase I have discussed many times with my partner was how a boss often wants to create followers, while a leader wants to create more leaders. This is also very a very typical habit I have witnessed many times at working locations. My partner has lift an awful amount of people into managing positions, while I know another guy who just wanted everybody to shut their mouths in his presence due to respect of him. He desperately wanted to create a team for himself, but it only resulted in people dropping off one by one. While on the other hand, people were almost fighting to be on my partner’s team. 

There was a moment when I asked my partner why he gave all his sales away. Right then and there, he showed me the way to go. While bosses would sit behind their phone, my team leader and now partner (yes, haha, that is another story), would come by and help me close the sale. So in other words; while other bosses would simply call their sellers and help them out through phone on a few lines – if my team leader realized it would not work out – he would physically drive over to where I, or another team member, would be and help us out right on the spot. 

These experiences were something I learnt from and brought it with me. Specifically to the store I eventually landed a managing role in, but also in general to know what kind of supervisor I chose to sign an employment contract with. I can say that it takes to overcome a cringing feeling to work for a boss when I prefer working for a leader (if working for anyone). A leader will help me out in more ways than a boss. 

  • A few more points to mention are: 
  • A boss knows how its done and a leader shows how its done. 
  • A boss uses people and a leader develops people. 
  • A boss says ”Go,” and a leader says ”Let’s go.” 

Which one are you? I think it is highly important to know what kind of person we are. What can we do better and is it working at the location I work at? If one fails in a managing position, perhaps we can look over these statements and find out if the group of people may need the other type of managing director. Even if I personally prefer a leader, there are a group of people out there totally favoring the bossy type. So even if I may like the leader, some would vote for the boss. 

Can a Person be Respected Who Cannot Execute the Task Her/Himself? 

A managing position should have respect. Actually, any employee at a workplace should have respect, regardless of position. What I mean to direct is that when a person pushes us hard to execute something and can do it him or herself, we may get eager to perform well and give the results. Although, if the person really cannot do this and yet pushes us far across the line of what would turn out to be humanly possible, how can consequences show here? Is it not a very interesting question? I find this topic very thrilling. But, if we are failing in our role as a manager, perhaps this can be a good thing to look over. 

I see everywhere this phenomenon. Many people apply for a managing position without really being able to walk the walk. They can just talk the talk. At least, if we decide to jump the ladder others usually find necessary to climb, the least we can do is to give a lot of effort into learning the company’s struggles and more specifically – the sellers’. I can tell that the greatest CEOs that I have seen, are the ones who have straight away asked to follow a seller during a whole day to simply and silently examine how a day looks like. To observe and analytically make a strategic move to make the company grow.

To share a bit of experience, after this trip I decided to really choose my manager. I wanted a clear leader. And I did get one.

Wrapping this up, I wish for a calm and peaceful evening. I am heading abroad in any moments to bake cookies with my family and some relatives. Big hug.

Love, Emelena

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